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1922 

copvi PROMOTING 




ROMEO 

BY 

HELEN BAQQ 










THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 
PHILADELPHIA 



Successful Rural Plays 

A Strong List From Which to Select Your 
Next Play 

FARM FOLKS. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur 
j-EWis TuBBS. For five male and six female characters. Time 
of playing, two hours and a half. One simple exterior, two 
easy interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Flora Goodwin, a 
farmer's daughter, is engaged to Philip Burleigh, a young New 
Yorker. Philip's mother wants him to marry a society woman, 
and by falsehoods makes Flora believe Philip does not love her. 
Dave Weston, who wants Flora himself, helps the deception by 
intercepting a letter from Philip to Flora. She agrees to marry 
Dave, but on the eve of their marriage Dave confesses, Philip 
learns the truth, and he and Flora are reunited. It is a simple 
plot, but full of speeches and situations that sway an audience 
alternately to tears and to laughter. 

HOME TIES. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur 
Lewis Tubbs. Characters, four male, five female. Plays two 
hours and a half. Scene, a simple interior — same for all four 
acts. Costumes, modern. One of the strongest plays Mr. Tubbs 
has written. Martin Winn's wife left him when his daughter 
Ruth was a baby. Harold Vincent, the nephew and adopted son 
of the man who has wronged Martin, makes love to Ruth Winn. 
She is also loved by Len Everett, a prosperous young farmer. 
When Martin discovers who Harold is, he orders him to leave 
Ruth. Harold, who does not love sincerely, yields. Ruth dis- 
covers she loves Len, but thinks she has lost him also. Then 
he comes back, and Ruth finds her happiness. 

THE OLD NEW HAMPSHIRE HOME. A New 

England Drama in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For seven 
males and four females. Time, two hours and a half. Costumes, 
modern. A play with a strong heart interest and pathos, yet rich 
in humor. Easy to act and very effective. A rural drama of 
the "Old Homstead" and "Way Down East" type. Two ex- 
terior scenes, one interior, all easy to set. Full of strong sit- 
uations and delightfully humorous passages. The kind of a play 
everybody understands and likes. 

THE OLD DAIRY HOMESTEAD. A Rural Comedy 
in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For five males and four 
females. Time, two hours. Rural costumes. Scenes rural ex- 
terior and interior. An adventurer obtains a large sum of money 
from a farm house through the intimidation of the farmer's 
niece, whose husband he claims to be. Her escapes from the 
wiles of the villain and his female accomplice are both starting 
and novel. 

A WHITE MOUNTAIN BOY. A Strong Melodrama in 
Five Acts, by Charles Townsend. For seven m.ales and four 
females, and three supers. Time, two hours and twenty minutes. 
One exterior, three interiors. Costumes easy. The hero, a 
country lad, twice saves the life of a banker's daughter, which 
results in their betrothal. A scoundrelly clerk has the banker 
in his power, but the White Mountain boy finds a way to check- 
mate his schemes, saves the banker, and wins the girl. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Promoting Romeo 

A Farce in Three Acts 



By 
HELEN BAGG 

Author of ** The Fascinating Fanny Brown, "" *' Why Not 
Jim ?" " Whiskers, " " That Blonde Person, ' ' etc. 




PHILADELPHIA 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

1922 






CoPYRKHT 1932 BY The Penn Fublishing Company 



Promsting Reme* 



cm (53254 



0^?- -, /n. 



^*i 



23 



Promoting Romeo 



CAST OF CHARACTERS 

John Fenwick A well-to-do business man 

Ellen Fenwick His wife 

Robert Fenwick Their son 

Elsie Evans. , , .A niece and ward of Mr. Fenwick' s 

Dorothy Stevens A young widow 

Ben Craig Engaged to Elsie 

May Craig His young sister 

Romeo Badger The Fenwicks' colored chauffeur 

Mrs. Amarilla Badger His mother 

Rosalie Jones His sweetheart, a manicurist 

Selma A Swedish maid 

A Policeman. 



SYNOPSIS 



Act I. — Drawing-room of the Fenwick house. Morn- 
ing. 
Act II. — Same setting. The following night. 
Act III. — Same setting. Next morning. 

Time: — The present. 

Place: — Any large city. 

Time of Playing : — ^Two hours and a half. 



PROPERTIES 

For Mrs. Fenwick: A number of letters, one con- 
taining a number of bills (twenty dollars alto- 
gether). 

For Mr. Fenwick: Newspaper, breakfast tray. 

Elsie Evans: Golf bag (not necessary), tiny powder 
puff, engagement ring. 

Rosalie : Jaunty little apron, bag, hat, jacket or coat, 
manicure articles, ordinary envelope. 

Robert: A newspaper, lead pencil, small change, 
kitchen apron, breakfast tray with dishes. 

Romeo: Small change. 

Mr. Badger: Bag, telegram, parasol. 

May: A huge feather fan. 



SCENE PLOT 




STORY OF THE PLAY 

Robert Fenwick, son of a well-to-do business man, is 
hopelessly in love with Dorothy Stevens, a fasci- 
nating young widow. His father objects to the 
marriage because Robert has never shown that he 
could really earn a living. But Mr. Fenwick says 
that he will consent to the match if the boy proves 
that he can make good. After many extenuating 
circumstances, ludicrous mishaps and misunder- 
standings, Robert shows that he has the right stuff 
in him and wins Dorothy for a wife. 



Promoting Romeo 



ACT I 

SCENE. — The drawing-room of the Fenwick house; 
large and comfortably furnished. Three doors; 
at R. leading to corridor, at l. leading to den or 
smoking room, at c. leading to stairs going up to 
the second floor. It would he best to have por- 
tieres at c. if possible instead of a door, thus giv- 
ing a glimpse of a hallway. A small couch at r., 
down stage, a table at entrance r., and a 'phone 
stand at l. of c. Chairs, not too many, and a 
small desk at l. down stage, with mirror on it, 

(As the curtain rises, Mrs. Fenwick, a pleasant, mid- 
dle-aged zvoman, dressed in a morning house 
dress, is seated at the desk opening a rather large 
mail. Robert, a good-looking young chap of 
about twenty-four or five, enters at c. He fidgets 
about for a few moments before interrupting her, 
then crosses r.) 

Robert. Say, Mother 

Mrs. F. Well, dear? 

Robert {looking cautiously around), Where's Dad? 

Mrs. F. Finishing his breakfast. You're very late. 

Robert. I know. Overslept. 

Mrs. F. You do that rather often. Your father 
doesn't Hke it. 

Robert. I don't see why people are so darned cranky 
about when other people eat their meals. I'm 
sure I don't care when he eats his ham and eggs. 

Mrs. F. {severely). Well, / care! When there's only 

7 



FROMOTING ROMEO 

one servant and she has to cook for a family of 
three and a chauffeur, it makes a great deal of 
difference when the}^ eat their ham and eggs. I 
don't wish Selma to leave. 

Robert. Shucks! What if she does? She can't 
cook, anyhow. 

Mrs. F. Perhaps not; but she can wash dishes and 
scrub the kitchen floor, which is quite as im- 
portant. 

{Pause.) 

Robert. Say, Mother, did you sound Dad about the 
job? 

Mrs. F. Yes, but I'm afraid he doesn't want to give 
it to you. 

Robert. Why not? 

Mrs. F. He doesn't think youVe had enough experi- 
ence to handle it. 

Robert {bitterly). Where does he think a fellow's 
going to get experience? In kindergarten? 

Mrs. F. He says you lack initiative. 

Robert. Initiative ! 

Mrs. F. I know, dear; I think, myself, he's a little 
hard on you. He thinks so much of his business 
and he expects so much of any young man who 
goes into it. 

Robert. I think it wouldn't hurt him to think a little 
of his only son. Business! What's business 
compared to your family ? 

Mrs. F. Well, successful men like your father seem 
to think it's a good deal. You shouldn't have 
stirred him up right now about it. Here he's off 
for New York day after to-morrow, and sailing 
for London in a few days. 

Robert. That's why I did it. I thought it would be 
so nice to get my start when he wasn't there to 
keep an eye on me. 

Mrs. F. {shaking some hills out of a letter). And it 
really seems to me as if I had all I could handle 
Avith this Pageant that you and Dorothy Stevens 
wished on me. 

8 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Robert {sympathetically). Poor Mother! How are 
the tickets selHng? 

Mrs. F. Pretty well. Aren't some people reckless 
with their money? Here's a woman who sends 
me twenty dollars by mail ! 

Robert. It's certainly dandy of you to help us out. 

Mrs. F. Oh, I don't mind, dear, only it's a little try- 
ing to be treasurer, property woman, publicity 
person, and then to have to pose as the Goddess 
of Liberty! 

Robert. You're a darling. Mother. I wish you'd 
picked a father for me with as nice a disposition 
as you've got. 

Mrs. F. Don't be disrespectful. 

{Enter Mr. Fen wick at c, newspaper in hand; a 
large, rather pompous man, very much irritated 
just now by a late and hurried breakfast.) 

Fenwick. If I could get my breakfast on time I 
might stand some show of getting to my office 
before my stenographer goes out to lunch! As 
it is 

Mrs. F. {hurriedly to Robert). Go and see if Ro- 
meo's outside with the car. 

Fenwick {tossing aside his paper). You needn't. 
Romeo's the only person in this household who 
has any idea of time. If I could inculcate my 
son with the principles of punctuality and obedi- 
ence that I find in my chauffeur, I would be quite 
satisfied. 

Robert {sulkily — from the couch) . No, you wouldn't. 
If I was punctual and obedient, you'd be howling 
for me to have initiative. I can't have everything. 

Mrs. F. Bob, dear ! 

Fenwick {calming a little). I didn't ask you to have 
initiative. I asked you to go into my office as a 
clerk and work your way up. You insisted upon 
being made a salesman. I said you lacked in- 
itiative. 

Robert. How can you tell till you've tried me ? 



FROMOTINQ ROMEO 

Fenwick {importantly). It's my business to be a 
judge of men. You have been perfectly satisfied 
to drift along 

Mrs. F. Now, Father, that's not fair! 

Robert. I'm thinking of your side of it. It seems 
to me an awful waste of money to send a son 
through Harvard and then stick him down in a 
ten-dollar-a-week job addressing envelopes. Of 
course it's your money. 

Fenwick. Have you ever thought seriously about a 
business career? 

Robert. Yes, I have. Fve always wanted to be a 
promoter, but as long as you've got a business 
started I thought I might as well go on with it. 

Fenwick. A promoter ! Great Jehoshaphat ! 

Mrs. F. John! 

Fenwick {turning on her severely). The only reason 
he wants that position, and you know it, is because 
he's taken it into his head that he wants to marry 
that widow. 

Robert {rising). Well, have you any fault to find 
with Mrs. Stevens? 

Fenwick. None whatever, if you can afford to 
marry her. A young widow, with money, doesn't 
take a husband for the privilege of supporting 
him. She probably expects him to pay at least 
half the household expenses. 

Robert. Sure she does. Fifty-fifty. I could if you'd 
give me that job. 

{Enter Selma at r. Selma is a stolid looking Swede 
who gives one the impression that she has weighed 
the family and found it distinctly wanting.) 

Selma. Miss Evans. 

{Exit at c.) 

Mrs. F. Now, what do you suppose Elsie Evans 

wants at this hour? 
Fenwick. Money. I'm going to get out. As for 

10 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

you, young man, I'll be fair with you. Show me 
one scrap of business sense, of initiative — pro- 
mote something, anything, show me results of 
any kind, and Til consider your proposition. Un- 
til then {He stops as Elsie Evans enters 

at R. Elsie is very pretty, very dainty, and ex- 
tremely gushing. She is about twenty-two or 
three and has been badly spoiled by everybody. 
She takes herself so seriously that she is really 
quite amusing to outsiders, though her relatives 
find her rather trying. She is beautiftdly dressed 
in the latest thing in sports wear — might carry her 
golf bag. She looks a little taken back at her 
uncle's tone. He continues.) Good-morning, 
Elsie, did you want to see me ? 

Elsie. Why, yes, I did — but it'll wait, Uncle John, 
it'll wait nicely until you have more time. 

Fenwick. That's good. I'm an hour late, now. 

{Exit at R.) 

Elsie {coming down). He's cross this morning, isn't 
he? 

Robert. Rotten. Been picking on me. 

Mrs. F. Robert ! Sit down, dear. 

Elsie {sits on couch). I mustn't stay, I've such a lot 
to do. When does Uncle leave? 

Mrs. F. Day after to-morrow — at noon. Was it 
something about your allowance? If you've over- 
drawn, I can help you out. 

Robert. Gosh, she never says that to me! 

Elsie. Oh, no, it's not my allowance. I've been quite 
economical this month. Of course, Uncle John 
advanced me quite a lot extra for my trousseau. 
Isn't it fortunate for me that Papa left Uncle 
John full powers over my money? He always 
makes things come out even. 

Mrs. F. Well, if there's nothing special, I'll leave 
you, children. I'm expecting my manicure in a 
few minutes and I'm afraid Selma's got my room 
rather torn up. 

II 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

(Rises, leaves the desk open and the hills exposed.) 

Elsie. Oh, certainly, darling! Do you still have 

that good-looking colored girl? 
Mrs. F. Rosalie? Yes, she's so handy. She's quite 

turned poor Romeo's head, I'm afraid. 
Elsie. Afraid ? 
Mrs. F. {at c). Yes. She's rather light-headed and 

Romeo is a good, steady, hard-working fellow. 
Elsie. Aunt Ellen, you are so adorable to take such 

a personal interest in the people who work for 

you! 
Mrs. F. Why not? I assure you I expect them to 

take a personal interest in me. 

{Exit at c.) 

Robert {calling after her). I say, Mother, don't for- 
get that Dorothy is coming over to-day to look 
at the rooms ! 

Mrs. F. {appearing in doorway). To look at the 
rooms ? 

Robert. Yes. Size 'em up and see if they'll do to 
rehearse the Pageant in to-morrow night. Dress 
rehearsal, you know. 

Mrs. F. {tragically) . That's all I needed to make my 
day complete! 

{Exit at c.) 

Robert {coming down to Elsie; sits beside her). 

Mother's an awfully good sport. 
Elsie. Isn't she ? I wish Uncle John was. 
Robert. Why ? What have you been up to ? 
Elsie {with dignity). I haven't been up to anything, 

but I've taken a step that's going to make Uncle 

John froth at the mouth. 
Robert. Humph ! 

Elsie. I've broken my engagement to Ben. 
Robert. What ! 

Elsie. Yesterday — at the Country Club. 
Robert. But you can't. Why, the wedding'i? set for 

12 



PR03I0TING ROMEO 



next Tuesday. The cards are out and you've got 
all the presents ! 

Elsie. I know. It will be awkward. 

Robert. Awkward? It'll be impossible. People 
don't do those things. 

Elsie. Uncle John will be furious. His heart is set 
on my marrying Ben. j 

Robert {brutally). I don't think Dad cares such a 
lot about your marrying Ben. It's the idea of 
your marrying somebody. So that he can turn 
over his guardianship to somebody else; some- 
body who can't kick. 

Elsie {plaintively). I don't think you're very nice, 
Bob. 

Robert {frankly). I know I'm not, but I'm telling 
the truth. You've been an awful responsibility 
to Dad, Elsie. Hang it, I can see his good points 
even if he is my father ! 

Elsie {aggrieved). I don't know what you mean by 
that. I've always tried to do my duty by every- 
body, but I seem to be so unlucky. Everybody's 
always against me. 

Robert. Well, I didn't mean to be nasty. 

Elsie {brightening). And / mustn't talk that way, 
either. Since I've been studying psychoanalysis, 
I've learned that 

Robert. Hang psychoanalysis! What's Ben done? 

Elsie. Not a thing in the world. 

Robert. Then why the deuce 

Elsie. We're not suited to each other. Since IVe 
been studying psychoanalysis I've learned so 
many things ! It's lucky I've found it out. 
Uncle would have hated a divorce worse than a 
broken engagement, don't you think? 

Robert. Now look here, Elsie 

Elsie {firmly). I don't want to discuss it. You 
couldn't understand. Ben does and he's been 
dear about it. He agrees with me that two peo- 
ple unsuited for each other had better play with 
dynamite than get married. 

Robert. Humph ! 

i3> 



PROMOTING BOMEO 

Elsie. We're going on with our parts in the Pageant 
just the same, so you needn't worry about that, 
but I wanted to ask Uncle John what to do about 
the wedding presents. 

Robert. Well, you'd better not ask him to-day. In 
the frame of mind he's in he'd probably tell you 
to send them back. 

Elsie. Well, I didn't think it was a very wise time 
to speak so I just kept still. 

Robert. I wish I had your sense. That's the time 
I always speak. 

Elsie {dreamily). It's queer, but so many things 
about Ben that irritated me, and I didn't know 
why, are quite clear to me since I've been study- 
ing 

Robert. See here, Elsie, maybe there are things 
about you that irritated Ben, but he didn't think 
he had to break the engagement a week before 
the wedding. I think you're making a fool of 
yourself. 

Elsie. I'm only doing it after due reflection 

Robert. That's the way most people do it. What 
did your mother say? 

Elsie. Oh, Mother's so old-fashioned — so antedi- 
luvian ! She's gone to bed with a nervous chill. 

Robert. Well, she's not the only member of the 
family that's going to have a nervous chill. You 
just wait till the newspapers get hold of it. 

Elsie {touching up her nose with a tiny puff), I'm 
not afraid of the newspapers. 

{Enter Selma at R.) 

Selma. De finger-nail girl bane here. 
Robert {rising). All right. Send her in and I'll tell 
Mother. 

{Exit Selma.) 

Elsie {rising). I'll be going. I'll see Uncle to-night. 
Robert. Have you got your costume ready for to- 
morrow night? It's a dress rehearsal, 
Elsie. Oh, mine's very simple; just a cloak, you 

14 



PROMOTING Bomm 

know. I'm to be " Monna Vanna " and all she 

wears is a cloak. That's another thing Mother's 

wild about. 
Robert {alarmed). Hang it all, Elsie, you've got to 

have something on underneath the coat! 
Elsie. Monna Vanna didn't. That's the whole plot 

of the play. 
Robert {severely). Never you mind what the plot 

says, you put on a bathing suit or something! 

Suppose the coat slips? 
Elsie. I don't think I could feel Hke Monna Vanna 

in a bathing suit. I'm so temperamental that I 

have to feel my parts. (Enter Rosalie at R.) 

Good-morning, Rosalie. 
Rosalie. Mornin', Miss Elsie. 
Elsie. Bye-bye, Bob. 
Robert {stiffly). Good-bye. {Exit Elsie at i. 

Rosalie is a good-looking mulatto girl, very well 

dressed and rather self-sufficient.) I'll tell Mother 

you're here. 
Rosalie. Yessir. 

(Exit Robert at c. Rosalie moves about leisurely, 
taking off her hat and jacket and putting on a 
jaunty little apron which she takes from her bag. 
She goes to the desk to look at herself in the little 
mirror, and her eyes fall on the bills which Mrs. 
Fen WICK left there. She picks them up and han- 
dles them lovingly. Mrs. Fenwick's voice is 
heard calling from upstairs.) 

Voice. Rosalie ! 

Rosalie {dropping the bills on the floor). Yas'm? 
Voice. I'm coming down. Get the table ready there. 
Rosalie. Yas'm. 

{She stoops and picks up the money, is about to re- 
place it on the desk, hesitates, eyes it covetously 
and with a sudden motion tucks it down the back 
of a chair, and throws her hat and coat on the 
chair. She goes to the 'phone table, brings it 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

down stage, puts 'phone on floor and arranges 
her manicure articles on it. She also goes off at 
c. and returns with bowl of water. Mrs. Fen- 
wick enters.) 

Mrs. F. Well, Rosalie, how are you this morning? 

Rosalie. Fine and dandy, Mis' Fenwick. {She 
watches Mrs. Fenwick who starts toward the 
desk, then apparently changes her mind and sits 
at the little table. Rosalie sits opposite her and 
begins the manicuring process.) Ain' 'at a new 
white cook you got? 

Mrs. F. Selma? Yes, she's been with us about a 
month, I beheve. 

Rosalie. She give me such er funny turn when I 
seen her. 

Mrs. F. Yes? Why? 

Rosalie (glibly). Yassam. She look jus' lak a 
woman Mis' Cooper had workin' fo' her 'bout a 
year ago ; dat time she lose them pearls. 

Mrs. F. (carelessly). Yes? 

Rosalie. Yassam. Dat woman she was Swede, too. 
I can't jes' ricollec' her name. Don't seem lak it 
was Selma, but she do favor her a lot. 

Mrs. F. (yawning). Possibly. 

Rosalie. Mis' Cooper nevah did git her pearls back, 
did she? 

Mrs. F: I think not. (Robert slouches in and 
stands irresolutely in the doorway as though he 
hardly knew what to do with himself. There is 
a sound of an auto horn outside.) Robert, see if 
that is Romeo back with the car. I want him to 
take me down to the bank before luncheon. 

(Exit Robert at r.) 

Rosalie. Guess you all Hkes Romeo pretty well, 

don't you. Mis* Fenwick? 
Mrs. F. Yes, he's a good chauffeur. 
Rosalie. Seems funny dat such a mean ole woman 

as Mis' Amarilla Badger got a good boy lak 

Romeo fo' a son. 

i6 



PROMOTING B03IE0 

{Enter Robert.) 
Robert. It wasn't Romeo. 

{He sits down with the newspaper and reads.) 

Mrs. F. What's the matter with Romeo's mother, 
RosaUe ? 

Rosalie {with energy). She's jus' mean. Jus' nach- 
erlly mean. She got lots of money, dat ole 
woman has; she's one of de riches' colored folks 
in dis state. 

Mrs. F. How did she get it ? 

Rosalie. Keepin' a grocery sto' in 'at little town 
whah she lives at. You kin git av/ful rich in 
some of them little towns, Mis' Fenwick. 

Mrs. F. So I've heard. 

Rosalie. An' she won't give Romeo one cent to git 
mah'ied an' have a business fo' himse'f . 

Mrs. F. {amused). Does Romeo want to get mar- 
ried? 

Rosalie. Well, 'at's what he says. Romeo's been 
pesterin' me to git mah'ied wif him fo' a month. 

Mrs. F. Don't you like him? 

Rosalie. My Ian' yes, cose I do. Mis' Fenwick, but 
I ain' goin' ma'y nobody's house boy. I don' have 
to. 

Mrs. F. Romeo's a chauffeur, not a house boy. 

Rosalie. Don' he wash yo' w^inders an' cut yo' grass ? 

Mrs. F. Yes, occasionally. 

Rosalie {triumphantly). Well, 'at's all right if he 
wants to, but I got a independent business of my 
own and I'm goin' make money. I don' ma'y wif 
no servants. I don' have to. 

Mrs. F. What business do you want him to go into? 

Rosalie {promptly). Wan' him to buy a deUcatessum 
sto', Mis' Fenwick. I know one he kin git fo' 
five hundred dollars. Over whah I lives. All de 
colored folks trades there an' de man wants to 
sell it cheap. 

Robert {looking up). If it's such a good thing why 
does he want to sell it cheap ? 



PRQ3I0TING ROMEO 



Rosalie {quickly). 'Cause he's leavin' town, Mister 
Robert. If Mis' Badger would lend Romeo 
dat money, he could run de delicatessum sto* in 
front an' me a colored beauty shop in de back. 

Mrs. F. It sounds very exciting. What does Romeo 
say? 

Rosalie {scornfully). He jus' that afraid of his Ma 
that he won' ask her! I tole him he needn' come 
honeyin' aroun' me till he quits washin' white 
folks' winders, no ma'am ! 

{Enter Selma.) 

Selma. Mrs. Stevens. 

{Exit at R.) 

Mrs. F. Goodness, Robert, take her into the other 

room ! We'll be through here in a minute. 
Robert {going out at r.). Oh, Dorothy won't mind. 

She has manicures, herself. 
Rosalie. I'm mos* thoo. Mis' Fenwick, if you don' 

want no facial. 
Mrs. F. {hesitating). I need it badly enough, but 

Selma's taken my room to pieces 

Rosalie {picking up her tools). I could give it to 

you in your bathroom if your room is tore up. 
Mrs. F. {rising). All right. Go up-stairs and I'll be 

with you in half a minute. 
Rosalie. Yassam. 

(Mrs. Fenwick exits at r. Rosalie looks about her, 
picks up her coat and hat and the money and goes 
out at c. Selma enters r. and takes the table 
back to its place and exits at c, carrying bowl of 
zvater. Mrs. Fenwick enters with Robert and 
Dorothy as Selma goes out. Dorothy is a 
sweet-looking young woman, a year or two older 
perhaps than Robert, with rather a motherly air.) 

Mrs. F. If you don't mind, I'll run up-staIrs and be 
beautified and you children can plan your re- 
hearsal. 

i8 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Dorothy. It's awfully good of you, Mrs. Fenwick, 
to take such an interest in our Pageant. 

Mrs. F. {taking her hands and looking into her eyes). 
My dear, IVe been taking an interest in things 
for Robert's sake for nearly thirty years. I'm 
afraid I've got the habit. 

{Exit at c.) 

Dorothy {with a little sigh). I love your mother, 
Robert. {Then, as though shaking off a mood.) 
Well, let's get busy. This room will do nicely for 
the stage. 

Robert. That's what I thought. We can use that 
door to enter — they can come down the stairs. 

Dorothy. Lovely! That couch, with a fur rug 
thrown over it will do for the Monna Vanna 
tableau. 

Robert. Look here, Dorothy, Elsie swears she's go- 
ing to play it in a coat. 

Dorothy. Well, that's the regulation stunt for 
Monna Vanna, isn't it? 

Robert. But she's going to play it in a coat — and 
nothing else! 

Dorothy {laughing). Oh, no, she isn't. I'm bossing 
this show. 

Robert. You don't know what an obstinate little 
devil Elsie is. She's broken her engagement to 
Ben. 

Dorothy. Bob ! 

Robert. Fact. She told me so in this room half an 
hour ago. 

Dorothy. She can't. Ben won't let her. 

Robert. Ben's a worm — a meek, crawling, spineless 
worm! If he hadn't been, he'd have broken it 
himself a year ago. 

Dorothy. They've been engaged long enough, good- 
ness knows, to know their own minds. 

Robert. Mind? She hasn't any. She has tempera- 
ment. 

Dorothy. It's an atrocious thing to do. 

19 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Robert {gloomily). It's going to make Dad harder 

than ever to live with. 
Dorothy. Has he been very trying lately ? 
Robert. Rotten. 
Dorothy. The job? {He nods.) I'm sorry. I 

wanted you to have it. 
Robert. Did you — honest? You mean you cared 

whether I got it or not ? 
Dorothy. Why, of course. 
Robert. You know why I wanted it, Dorothy? 
Dorothy. Why, because you wanted to get on in 

the world, naturally. 
Robert. I wanted it because I wanted to be able to 

ask you to marry me without feeling like a fool. 

(She is sitting on the couch and he stands beside her.) 

Dorothy. Why should asking me to marry you make 

you feel like a fool, Bobby? 
Robert {frankly). Because I'm broke, that's why — 

and you've got money. I shan't ask you until I 

have something to offer you. 
Dorothy. No matter how I feel about it, I suppose? 
Robert. You haven't anything to do with this — it's 

my funeral. 
Dorothy. I suppose I may make a suggestion? As 

long as you admit a certain interest in me? 
Robert. I don't mind a suggestion. 
Dorothy. Why don't you try to show him that you 

can handle the job? 
Robert. You're as bad as he is. He wants me to 

show some initiative — to promote something. So 

he can tell whether I'm human or just the family 

fool. 
Dorothy. Why don't you? 
Robert. Well, what? 
Dorothy. Oh — anything that takes a clever person 

to set it right. Make Elsie behave 

Robert {bitterly). That doesn't need a clever person 

— it needs a genius. 
Dorothy {thoitghtfidly) . I think we all make our 

20 



PB03I0TING ROMEO 

mistakes trying to do big things. Some little near 

at hand thing that seems quite hopeless demands 

just as much initiative and brains as some bigger 

thing. 
Robert {fascinated). It sounds all right when you 

say it, Dorothy, but I doubt if Dad 

Dorothy. Oh, he will. I believe that in the bottom 

of his heart he really wants you to have that job, 
Robert. Well, he certainly doesn't wear his heart on 

his sleeve. Say, Dorothy, if he does give it to 

me, will you 

Dorothy. Will I 



Robert. Give me the other job I want? 
Dorothy. I'll consider it favorably, Bobby. 
Robert {starting toward her). You're a darhng! 
Dorothy {rising). I must run on. I've a luncheon 

engagement. It's understood that we have a full 

rehearsal here to-morrow night? 
Robert. Yes. And you'll see about Elsie ? 
Dorothy. I will. 

{She runs off. He follows her. Enter Romeo at l. 
He is a good-looking colored boy in chauffeur's 
livery. He looks around rather sheepishly, goes 
to c. and listens, evidently to see if Rosalie is 
about. Robert enters and sees him.) 

Robert {dreamily). Some little near at hand thing 
that seems quite hopeless ! {Sees Romeo ; an idea 
dawns. ) Gosh ! Say, Romeo, don't go away. 
Mother wants you to drive her down to the bank. 

RoMEO. Yassir. 

Robert. She's up-stairs having her face washed by 
— what's her name? That girl of yours? 

Romeo {grinning). Guess you mus' mean Rosalie. 

Robert. I do. 

{He sits and takes up paper to read but keeps his eye 
on Romeo, who lingers.) 

Romeo. She ain' no gal of mine, Mister Bob. She 

21 



PROMOTING JR0ME9 

won' have no mo' to do wif me cause I washes de 

winders. 
Robert. Humph ! 
Romeo {gloomily). Seems lak a woman always 

wantin' a man to be doin' somethin' diif'rent. 
Robert. Ain't it the truth ? 
Romeo. Somethin' ha'd. 

Robert. Never satisfied with you as you are, eh? 
Romeo. Tha's so. Always a-pushin' an' a-urgin* a 

man into somethin' he's better off outside of. 
Robert. Yep, that's what. 
Romeo. Rosalie, she say : '' Go git yo' Ma give yo' 

fi' hund'ed doUahs to buy 'at delicatessum sto' an' 

I marries you." She don' know my Ma. Nos- 

suh! 
Robert. Humph ! 
RoMEO. Anybody who kin git my Ma to put fi' 

hund'ed dollahs into a sto' ain' goin' be a chauf- 
feur, he gwine be a p'omoto', dat's whut. 
Robert. Well, why not? 
Romeo. Huh ? 

Robert. Why not be a promoter? 
Romeo (in alarm). Who? Me? 
Robert (rising). Sure. It isn't just the big things 

that show what we're made of, Romeo, it's some 

little near at hand thing 

Romeo. Gittin' money outen Mis' Amarilla Badger 

ain' no little near at hand thing. Mister Bob. 

Nossuh ! 
Robert. Don't be so pessimistic, Romeo, or you'll 

never get on in the world. Psychoanalysis teaches 

us that the world is ours for the asking. 
Romeo. Dat man didn' know Mis' Amarilla Badger, 

Mister Bob. Askin' ain' gwine have no effec' on 

her. 
Robert. What's the matter with her? 
Romeo. Nothin' ain't de mattah wif her. She's a 

fine ole lady. But she ain't lettin' none of her 

money git away fum her widout a struggle — and 

she powerful strong. 
Robert. But her only son 

22 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Romeo. On'y son getter work fo' livin' same's any- 
body else. Didn' I ask her fo' money to go to 
dat music school 

Robert. That's different. This is a business oppor- 
tunity. 

Romeo. An' if she ever hear 'bout me wantin' to 
marry a yaller gal she'd pison me. She hates 'em. 

Robert. It would be a loan, you know. You could 
repay her. 

RoMEo. Yassir, I could, if de business pay, but mebbe 
it don't. 

Robert. That's no way to go into a thing. " Maybe 
it won't." 

Romeo. Well, I ain' goin' into it. Only thing my 
Ma'd ever give me money for would be if I was 
sick or daid an' I ain' gwine be either. 

Robert. Have you asked her? 

Romeo. No, sah, an' I ain' goin' to. 

Robert. Where does she live? 

Romeo. Down in httle town called '' Pitfield." 'Bout 
eighty mile from here. 

Robert. Well, it's too bad you can't have a light 
case of appendicitis and wire her that you need 
the money for the operation. Everybody borrows 
money to go into business, you know. Think it 
over. 

Romeo. Yassir, dat's so, sir. (Rosalie's voice is 
heard singing as she comes down-stairs. Robert 
exits R. Romeo lingers, fascinated. She enters, 
her hat and coat on, ready to go.) Mawnin', 
Rosalie. 

Rosalie. Mawnin', Romeo, how's yo'se'f ? Ain' it a 
gran' day? 

Romeo. Ain' so gran' 'cordin' to my way of thinkin'. 

Rosalie. You's awful pessermistic, seems to me. 
Specially fo' a young man dat's engaged to a nice 
gal Hke me. 

{She comes closer to him.) 

Romeo. Who says you an' me's engage? 

23 



PROMOTING HOMED 

Rosalie. I do. Jes' as soon as you gits 'at money 
from yo' Ma, Romeo, we's goin' be mah'ied, an' 
live in 'at nice little delicatessum sto'. 

RoMEO. Humph! Why dat man wan' sell, Rosalie, 
if he's makin' so much money? 

Rosalie. 'Cause he's gotter sell. He's goin' away, 

RoMEO. Why? 

Rosalie. I ain' ask him, honey, but it looks to me 
lak he been caught, mebbe, doin' somethin' he 
didn't ought to and had to git out. 

Romeo. If he's makin' money I don' reckon he'd 
have to git out. It don' seem likely. 

Rosalie. Come now, honey, does you want to ma'y 
me or doesn't you? 'Cause if you doesn't they's 
plenty whut does, an' they don' have to git money 
from they mas to do it, neither. 

Romeo (^putting his arm around her). Cose I does. 
Ain' I tell you you's the pretties' gal in this town 
— black or white? 

Rosalie. Tellin' me them things don't make no hit 
with me, Romeo, cose I knows them myse'f . You 
tell me you done ast your Ma for that money 
and ain' goin' be a no-'count house boy no more, 
an' mebbe I'll pay some attention. 

Romeo (meditatingly). Askin' ain't goin' git me 
nothin'. Mister Bob says 'at I might git appen- 
dicitis an' mebbe she sen' it to me, but I don't 
keer for dat. White doctors is too handy wif de 
knife. 

Rosalie (clapping her hands excitedly). Lawd, ain' 
dat white boy got brains? Cose you gotter have 
appendicitis, honey, or mebbe 

Romeo. Nossuh. Not me. 

Rosalie. You kin have gall stones. Dey cuts for 
dem, don' dey? 

Romeo. Nossuh, I ain' goin* have nuthin' they cuts 
fo'. I'd ruther live single. 

Rosalie. Ain' you the doggondest fool, Romeo! 
You ain' really goin' have 'em. 

Romeo. Huh? Den why can't I have de chicken 



pox? 



24 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Rosalie. We're goin' make yo' Ma think youVc got- 
tem. Gimme a pencil. 

{She takes an envelope from her hag.) 

Romeo {digging out a pencil). What fur? 

Rosalie. Telegram. ( Writes. ) 

Romeo {scared). Now, look-a-here, honey, I 

don' — ^ 
Rosalie {kissing him). You jes' leave it to Rosalie. 

Ain' dat boy got brains ! 
Romeo. He's got de kin' of brains 'at lands folks in 

de pen, I'm tellin' you. 
Rosalie {reads). "Am under ether but will live. 

Send $500 at once. Romeo." 
Romeo {scandalized) . My Ian', I ain' goin' sen' no 

sich talk as 'at to dat ole lady. She gwine bust 

me sho'. 
Rosalie {severely). I'm goin' send dat on my way 

home. If you wants to come along and see mc 

do it, you kin. {She flounces out at r.) 
Romeo (helplessly). But 

{He hurries after her. Selma enters, duster in hand, 
and sees them go. She shakes her head pessi- 
mistically. ) 

Selma. Aye don't lak dis place. Dey bane home too 
mooch. Aye lak place vere peoples goes out. 
Where girl gets some time to herself. {She picks 
up the newspaper and finds the " ads.") I dank 
I look for annoder place ! 

{Enter Mrs. Fenwick, dressed for the street.) 

Mrs. F. Selma, tell Romeo I want the car. 

Selma. He bane gone out after the finger-nail girl. 

Mrs. F. Humph ! Then find Mister Robert and tell 
him he must drive me down-town. {She goes to 
desk to close it. Selma goes out at c. Mrs. 
Fenwick misses the money.) Gone! That's a 
nice state of affairs ! A thief in the house ! Who 
can it be ! 

CURTAIN 

25 



ACT II 

(Same scene. The following evening. Dorothy 
and Robert are arranging the stage for the re- 
hearsal; at least Dorothy is — Robert is busily 
engaged in looking at himself in the mirror. He 
is costumed as "Hamlet." Dorothy, being the 
coach, is not in costume.) 

Dorothy. Bob, if you would stop looking at yourself 
in the glass, and give me your attention, I might 
get something ready before the rest of the cast 
are dressed. 

Robert (hastily). Of course. 

Dorothy. I think this couch — pulled out a bit — ^will 
do nicely for " Monna Vanna." 

Robert (pulling it out). Have you seen 

Dorothy. No, I haven't seen Elsie. Tve been too 
busy. What did your father say about her break- 
ing the engagement? 

Robert. I don't think I ought to repeat it. He hasn't 
spoken to her since. He's going to cut down her 
allowance and I guess it'll take some psycho- 
analysis to get over that. 

Dorothy. She deserves it. Such a nasty way to 
treat Ben. 

Robert. Then we've had a lot of other troubles since 
yesterday. Somebody swiped twenty dollars out 
of Mother's desk. Money some idiot sent 
through the mail for tickets. 

Dorothy. Oh, Bob, how horrid ! 

Robert. It happened during the morning, and Selma 
left unexpectedly in the afternoon, so it looks as 
if she was the guilty party. 

Dorothy. Oh, do you think so? She seemed so 
nice. I don't want to think her a thief. 
z6 



I 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Robert. Well, I felt that way yesterday, too, but 
since I had to wash the dinner dishes last night 
and get breakfast this morning, I don't seem to 
mind thinking it so much. 

Dorothy. What will your father do ? 

Robert. Nothing. Pay the money and let it go. It's 
the easiest way out. 

Dorothy. But if she's a thief, you're turning her 
loose to steal somebody else's money. 

Robert. I know. Rosalie told Mother something 
yesterday about Selma's looking like the Swedish 
girl that Mrs. Cooper had when her pearls were 
stolen. But you can't hound a poor Swede for 
twenty dollars. 

Dorothy. No, but you could call Mrs. Cooper up 
and ask her — ■ — 

Robert. She's in California. 

{Enter Elsie at r. Elsie is dressed in a long black 
cloak, or cape, which completely hides her figure. 
Her neck and arms are bare, and she wears flesh- 
colored stockings and black slippers. As far as 
the casual observer can see, she is quite correctly 
garbed for the part of " Monna Vanna.") 

Elsie. Well, what is the matter? I rang and rang 

and then found the door unlocked. Hasn't Selma 

turned up yet ? 
Robert. No, and I guess I'll tack a card on the door 

— Walk In ! I can't be answering the bell all the 

time. 

{Exit at r.) 

Elsie. How nice he looks ! He makes a real sweet 
Hamlet, doesn't he? Anybody here? 

Dorothy. Yes, several. They're up-stairs dressing. 
If you'll lend Bob a hand with the stage, I'll run 
up and help Mrs. Fenwick with her costume. 

Elsie. Yes, indeed. Ben brought me and then went 

27 



PROMOTING ROMEO 



back for his sister. That child never is ready to 
go anywhere. I pity her husband if she gets one. 

{She goes to the mirror and peeps at herself. Doro- 
thy refers to a list which she has in her hand,) 

Dorothy. Let me see — you are Monna Vanna, Ben 
is Prinzivalle, May is Pocahontas, Robert is Ham- 
let, Mrs. Fen wick is the Goddess of Liberty 

Elsie. Seems a httle scattered, historically, doesn't 
it? 

Dorothy {nettled). No, it doesn't. Tableaux aren't 
supposed to be connected. What have you got 
on under that cloak? 

Elsie {innocently). Me? Why 

{Enter Robert.) 

Robert. Nov/, let 'em come. Say, Dorothy, aren't 

you going up to help Mother? 
Dorothy. Right now. 

{Runs off c. ) 

Elsie. Isn't she cranky about her old tableaux? 

{She drapes herself picturesquely on the couch.) 

Is Uncle John still furious? 
Robert. Is he ! Well, you'd better keep out of his 

way if you value your — allowance ! 
Elsie {damied). Bob! 

Robert {maliciously) . He takes off ten dollars when- 
ever your name is mentioned. He's dining at 

the club to-night. 
Elsie. I wish they'd poison him! He's the most 

hard-hearted man in this town — no breadth of 

ideas, no sympathy, no Bob, is my nose too 

white, do you think? 
Robert. I don't know anything about noses. I want 

to know, in the interests of the audience, what 

you've got 

{Enter Romeo, c, waving a telegram frantically.) 
28 



FBOMOTINQ BOMEO 

Romeo. Mister Bob, Mister Bob, look-a-hyak at 

whut's happen' ! 
Elsie (min^). Good gracious ! 
Robert. What's the matter with you? Don't you 

know where you are? 
RoMEO. Yassir, I know all right an' I ain' goin' be 

dere long. She's comin'. 
Robert. Who's coming? What are you talking 

about, anyhow? 
RoMEO {wildly). Talkin' 'bout? Whut I'm talkin' 

'bout! I'm talkin' 'bout Mis' Amarilla Badger. 

Tha's who I'm talkin' 'bout. 
Elsie. He's mad ! Don't let him come near me ! 

{She retreats hack of the couch.) 

RoMEO {desperately). Mad? No, ma'am, I ain' mad 
— I'm plumb scared thoo to ma gizzard. Hyah 
I done sen' dat telegram lak Mister Bob tole 
me 

Robert. What? / told you? Nothing of the kind. 
I suggested 

RoMEO. Wal, lak whut you suggested me to; me an' 
Rosalie done sen' it 

Robert. Look here, Romeo, let's get this straight. 
This is serious. 

RoMEO. Hit's mighty serious fer me, suh. 

Elsie. Oh, Bob, what have you been doing? 

Robert. Nothing! Romeo and his girl have been 
throwing fits because they couldn't get mar- 
ried 

RoMEo. No, sah, dat ain' It. I could git ma'ied all 
right. It was Rosalie what couldn't. 

Elsie. But 

Robert. She wouldn't marry him unless he had 
money enough to go into business for himself 
and 

Elsie. What a mercenary little wretch she must be! 

Romeo. No, ma'am, she ain' mercerinary, she 

jes' 

29 



PBOMOTINQ BOMEO 

Robert. Keep still! I suggested that it was a pity 
he couldn't have a nice case of appendicitis and 
send to his mother for the money. 

Elsie. Robert, how wicked of you ! 

Robert. Well, he's her only child and she's got scads 
of money. Why shouldn't she help him out ? Of 
course I didn't suppose the idiot would go and 
do it without consulting me about it. 

Romeo. Rosalie, she done the consultin*. She say 
sen' 'at wire now. 

Elsie {to Robert). But what business was it of 
yours, Bob Fenwick? The idea of dashing into 
other people's love affairs like that ! The nerve ! 

Robert {sheepishly). Well, I had to do something. 
Dad said he'd give me a job if I'd show a Httle 
initiative. 

RoMEO {injured). Ain' no reason why you got to 
pick out me to show it on. 

Robert. And Dorothy suggested that I try to pro- 
mote something. {Bitterly.) Some little near at 
hand thing that seemed hopeless ! 

Romeo. Wal, I reckin you done po'moted me into 
de cooler ! She say she's comin' here direc*. 

Robert {horrified). Here? To this house? 

Romeo. Dat wHut she say. 

Robert. What did you two fools wire her? 

Romeo. Dat I was havin' a operation. 

Robert. Well, she can't come here. We've got a 
houseful of people here and if Dad heard of it 
he'd murder me. 

Elsie. He mustn't hear. If we can keep it from 
him till noon to-morrow 

Romeo. Yassam. Dat's it. I do' want to git fired. 
Jobs is too ha'd to git nowadays. 

Robert {wildly). Shut up, both of you, while I 
think! 

Elsie. Yes, Romeo, come away and let him think. 

Romeo {apprehensively) . Reckin he's goin' p'omote 
me into some mo' trouble. 

Elsie {soothingly). No, he won't. Just be pa- 
tient 

30 



PROMOTING ROMEO 



Robert. That's it. Hooray! Patient — that's the 
idea! 

Both. Well ? 

Robert. You've got to be a patient when the old lady 
comes. You've got to have that operation. 

Romeo. What ? 

Robert {slowly and patiently). You must have that 
operation for appendicitis. That'll settle the 
whole thing. Her mother's heart will 

Romeo. I ain' thinkin' 'bout no mother's heart. I'm 
thinkin' 'bout my 'pendix. I done had dat 'pen- 
dix twenty-fi' years. It's always treated me white 
an' I ain' goin* have it tore out of me to please 
nobody. 

Elsie. But, Romeo, it's a very simple operation. 
Really it is. Lots of society people go and have 
it done just because they want a little vacation. 

RoMEO. No, ma'am. I do' want no vacation. I 
likes to work. 

Robert. But it's such an easy way out of the whole 
thing. Mother comes — where's Romeo? At the 
County Hospital having a little operation. Every- 
thing going splendidly. Mother overjoyed. 
Comes across with the money without a groan. 

Romeo. Yassir. An' who gits de money? 

Robert. Why, you. Hold on — I suppose the doc- 
tors have to get some of it. 

RoMEO. Don't you fool yourself. Mister Bob. Doc- 
tor's goin' git all of it. Where I comes in? No 
money, no job, no 'pendix, no deHcatessum sto', 
an' no gal. Reckon you'd better quit thinkin', 
Mister Bob, befo' you strains yo' haid muscles. 

Elsie. That's right. Bob, it wouldn't help us any- 
how. Uncle John would find out and give us fits. 
Let me think. 

RoMEO {apprehensively) , I reckon it's time for me 
to go to de club for Mr. Fenwick. If she 
come 

Robert (wi/c?/y). She mustn't come ! 

Elsie. Hold on — Romeo, you've got to disappear — 
that's the ide«. Like the man in tkc op«ra. 
31 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Romeo {suspiciously) . Dis'pear? Whar to? 

Elsie {airily). Anywhere that isn't here. 

Robert. That's the idea! He can disappear 

Elsie. And then when Uncle's been gone a couple 
of days you can wander back and say you've had 
— what's the name of that thing, Bob, that makes 
people wander off sort of crazy like? 

RoMEO {gloomily). Moonshine? 

Elsie. No, stupid, it begins with " a." 

Robert. Aphasia! That's the stuff. You were un- 
der the influence of that when you sent the tele- 
gram ! 

Romeo. Dat soun's better than appendicitis. Dey 
don' cut for aspasia, does they? 

Robert. Of course not, idiot. Now, if we can only 
keep Mrs. Amarilla Badger away from Dad 

Romeo. Hoi' on. Mister Bob! How's I goin' dis- 
appear widout no money? 

Robert. Humph ! How much you got ? 

Romeo. Jes' fifty cents. I done buy me some new 
clothes yestiddy an' dey done clean me out good. 

Robert. Humph ! I've got two-fifty. 

Romeo. Wal, I cain' disappear for no week on th'ee 
dollars, nossuh ! 

Elsie. Couldn't you practice a little economy, 
Romeo ? 

Romeo {decidedly). No, ma'am. I ain' no bum to 
go sleepin' in a flop. I'se a genelman an' ma 
tastes is genelman's tastes. 

Elsie {pulling a ring from her finger). Look here, 
Romeo, you take this and pawn it. We'll get it 
back when the trouble is over. 

Robert {slightly shocked). It's your engagement 
ring! 

Elsie. What if it is? My engagement's broken — 
what's the good of a ring? 

Robert. But you'll have to give it back to Ben. He 
may want it for another girl. 

Elsie {indignantly). If Ben Craig is fickle enough 
to fall in love with another girl after all the time 
he's been engaged to me 

32 



PROMOTING Romm 

Voice. Robert ! 

Elsie. It's Aunt Ellen. Hurry off before she comes, 

Romeo, and don't you dare come back till Uncle's 

gone. 

{She pushes Romeo out at r. just as Mrs. Fenwick 
enters hurriedly at c. She is costumed as the 
Goddess of Liberty and has considerable difficulty 
walking in her draperies, which strongly resemble 
sheets.) 

Mrs. F. Robert, your father has 'phoned for the car. 

Where is Romeo ? 
Robert. Gosh, how stunning you look. Mother ! 
Mrs. F. (irritably). I do not. I look like an idiot 

escaped from a Turkish bath. Where is Romeo? 
Robert. He — why, he's gone. 
Mrs. F. Gone where ? 
Elsie. Why, he — he's disappeared! 
Mrs. F. Disappeared where? Your uncle is on the 

wire and he wants the car. 
Elsie. Why, you see. Aunt Ellen, Robert's been 

looking for him everywhere, but he's just sort of 

melted away. Bob says he's been acting very 

oddly lately. 
Mrs. F. I hadn't noticed it. Well, I'll have to tell 

John. He's very much irritated. 
Elsie. Irritated ? Oh, my goodness ! 
Mrs. F. (at c). Dorothy wants someone to help her 

move the victrola in here. She's going to use it 

for the rehearsal. 
Robert. I'll go in a minute. 
Mrs. F. (lingering). Robert, you don't think it was 

something about that money that made 

Romeo 

Robert. No, I don't. 

Mrs. F. Well, it's very strange 

(Exit at c, bewildered.) 

Robert (to Elsie). I'll be back in a minute. 

33 



PB03I0TING ROMEO 

Elsie {clutching him). Suppose that awful woman 
comes ? 

Robert. Tell her anything to get rid of her till to- 
morrow. 

Elsie. It won't do to scare her. She'd go to the 
police. {Voices at r.) Oh, it's Ben and May! 

Robert. Elsie, mind that Dorothy doesn't hear about 
this. 

Elsie. Why ? 

Robert {savagely). I'm not going to be made to look 
like a fool in the eyes of the woman I'm going to 
marry, that's why ! 

{Exit at c. Enter Ben and May. Ben is evidently 
in costume hut his overcoat and hat cover him 
up pretty well. May, who is seventeen and pert, 
wears an evening cloak and galoshes.) 

Ben {staring after Robert in astonishment). I say, 
what's the matter with Bob ? 

Elsie. Oh, he's just excited over the rehearsal and 
the fact that their chauffeur has disappeared. 
May, you'd better go up and take your things off. 
{Eyeing her closely.) I thought you were sup- 
posed to be Pocahontas? 

May. I changed my mind. I'm going to be Cleo- 
patra. It's lots more fun. 

Elsie. That's just like a flapper. Always wants the 
vampy parts. 

May. You run your part in this show, Elsie Evans, 
and I'll run mine. At least I don't break engage- 
ments a week before the wedding. 

Ben. Come, children, cut it out. You're not related 
yet so you don't have to quarrel. What's the 
matter with the servants in this house anyhow? 

May {to Elsie). What in the world have you got 
on 

Elsie {angrily). Now, look here, if one more person 
asks me what I've got on, Fm going to show 
them ! So there ! 

May. Oh, very well ! 

34 



PROMOTING ROMEO 



{Exit at C.) 

Elsie. It's perfectly absurd for that infant to be 
playing Cleopatra! Cleopatra with bobbed hair! 

Ben. As a matter of fact, Cleo did wear her hair 
bobbed, according to the Pyramids 

Elsie {tragically). Ben, please don't argue with me. 
I'm so nervous to-night I hardly know what I'm 
doing. Uncle's been reducing my allowance by 
ten-dollar steps ever since I told him we'd broken 
our engagement. 

Ben. We ! 

Elsie. You agreed with me it was best. 

Ben {airily). Well, you said you wanted to break it 
and I think a girl ought to have her own way 
about a little thing like that, 

Elsie {taken hack). Little thing! Why, Ben. 

Ben. Yes. You decided I wasn't the man to make 
you happy, so why marry me? That's reason- 
able. Only don't say I did it. 

Elsie. You — you didn't feel that way about it yes- 
terday. 

Ben {jauntily). I hadn't got used to my freedom. 
I'm getting used to it. I don't mind it at all. 
How d'you hke my costume? 

{He takes off coat. Instead of the armor of Prinzi- 
valle, he is costumed in a leather jerkin, green 
tights, and a green hat with a feather which he 
takes carefully from his coat pocket.) 

Elsie {horrified). What in the world 

Ben. Nifty, don't you think? 

Elsie {severely). Nifty? It's awful. You don't 

look any more like Monna Vanna's lover than — 

than a wooden Indian. 
Ben. Huh? 
Elsie. You wouldn't read the book so I told you 

distinctly that your costume was to be mediaeval 

Italian, 

35 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Ben. This is mediaeval. It's Robin Hood. I couldn't 

remember the other guy's name. 
Elsie {tearfully). You're ruining my tableau — and I 

was going to make such a hit with it — how could 

you be so hateful 

Ben. Oh, I say 

Elsie. Robin Hood! Why didn't you dress up as 

George Washington while you were about it? 
Ben. I say, Elsie, please don't — I'll stand behind the 

table or drape myself back of a curtain 

Elsie. You could kneel behind the couch. The less 

they see of you the better they'll like you. 
Ben {meekly). All right. 

{He goes behind the couch.) 

Elsie. Now, try getting on your knees back of the 

couch and I'll sit on this side {She does.) 

There, not much of you shows. Now, lean this 

way {He does and she jumps hack.) Oh, 

you've been smoking again and you promised 
you wouldn't ! 

Ben. Well, I didn't think you'd care now, so I took 
a whiff or two. 

Elsie. I shall always take an interest in your health 
whether I marry you or not. 

Ben {drily). Thank you, my dear. Oh, I say, 
Where's your ring? 

Elsie {confused). Why, why, I 

Ben. You had it on when you left home. I saw it. 

Elsie. I — I must have laid it down here somewhere. 
Yes, I'm sure I did. 

(Ben gets up and looks about.) 

Ben. I don't see it. 

Elsie. Why 

Ben. Has that Swede come back? 

Elsie. No. Now, Ben 

Ben. And now the chauffeur's disappeared! When 

did you notice that ring last ? 
Elsie. Oh, about half an hour ago! 

36 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Ben. And when 

{Enter Mrs. Amarilla Badger. She is a very portly 
colored lady, dressed in vivid colors and in the 
very latest style, which, being designed for flap- 
pers, looks even more oddly on Mrs. Badger 
than on a white person her size and age.) 

Elsie. Oh! . , , -, 

Mrs. B. Am dis yere Mis' Fenwick house? 

Ben {aside). Another tableau? 

Elsie. Hush ! Why, it— oh, yes, of course, it is. 

Mrs. B. I rung de bell, an' den I seen dat cyard, so 

I jes' drop in. Tse Romeo's Ma. 
Elsie. I knew it. {Desperately to Ben.) Go get 

Bob — quick ! 

Ben {bewildered). But 

Elsie {with a vicious snap). Get Bob! 

{Exit Ben quickly.) 

Mrs. B. {stunned at the revelation of Ben's costume). 
My Gawd! Is dis sho' Mis' Fenwick house? 

Elsie {rapidly). Oh, yes, this is her house, all right, 
but she's terribly busy with company and can't 
possibly see you. I suppose you came to see 
Romeo ? 

Mrs. B. {taking telegram from her bag). Yassam, I 
got dis yere wiah fum Romeo yestiddy an' I come 
d'reckly an' circumstantially to know how come. 

Elsie {taking telegram). "Under ether but will 
live. Send $500 at once." ^, . . „ . 

Mrs. B. {firmly). I don' sen' no five hund ed doUahs 
to nobody thout I knows whut's it fo'. If dat boy 
under ether, how come he to sen' dat wiah to me ? 
How come , 

Elsie. Why, the fact is, Mrs. Badger, Romeo hasn t 
been himself lately. Sort of queer and wander- 
ing 

Mrs. B. {shaking her parasol angrily). Huniph I He 
been goin' after some yaller wench, dat's whut s 
de matter wif him ! I'll wander him ! 
37 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

{She pounds on the floor with the parasol.) 

l^-Lsm {aside). Oh, where is Bob ! {To her.) Why, 
you see, Mrs. Badger, he wandered off this morn- 
ing — nobody knows just where he is — I'm sure 
it's not a yellow girl 

{Enter Robert and Ben. The latter stands hack of 
the couch. Robert darts forward and shakes 
hands effusively with Mrs. Badger to cover his 
embarrassment. She looks at his costume in 
horror. ) 

Mrs. B. {aside). My Gawd! 

Robert {rapidly). How do you do, Mrs, Badger, 
how do you do? Come up to see Romeo, have 
you? Isn't that splendid? You'll be proud of 
him when you see him, but he's not at home just 
now. You see my father's not very well ; nervous, 
frightfully nervous and all that, and he has Ro- 
meo drive him around town for hours at a time. 
That's what he's doing now. 

Elsie {who has been trying wildly to get his atten- 
tion). Fool! 

Ben {to her in a loud whisper). I say, what's it all 
about ? 

Mrs. B. Dis young lady say she don' know whah 
Romeo is 

Robert. Yes, yes, of course. She don't. Father 
takes such queer notions that you never know 
where he's driving. Now, if you'll go out to the 
garage 

Elsie. Ahem ! 

Robert. Excuse me ! (To Elsie.) Well! 

Elsie {whispering). First place Uncle will look 
when he comes back ! 

Robert. I didn't mean the garage, it's rather lonely 
out there. I meant — Elsie, take her up to 

Elsie. The girls are dressing up-stairs. The 
den 

Robert. Exactly. Ben, take Mrs. Badger into the 
den 

38 



PROMOTING BOMEO 

Ben {to Elsie). Aren't you going to tell her alSouf 

the money and the ring? 
Elsie {severely). Take her into the den and don't 

talk to her. Can't you see the woman's worn 

out? 
Mrs. B. {suspiciously), I ain' goin' nowhars tell I 

hears 

Elsie {pushing Ben and Mrs. Badger out at l.). Of 

course not; we'll let you know the minute he 

shows up. 
Robert. Why did you tell her he'd wandered off? 

You said yourself she'd want to go to the pohce. 
Elsie. Oh, how do I know ? Ben was nearly driving 

me crazy about my ring. He's got it into his 

head that Romeo stole it 

Robert {horrified). Stole it! 

Elsie. Yes. I couldn't tell him the truth. It takes 

hours to pound the truth into Ben, but he swal- 
lows fibs beautifully. 

Robert. If Father sees that telegram 

Voice. Bob, come and help me move this victrola! 
Robert. In a minute, Dorothy! {To Elsie.) We 

must get rid of her ! We must get rid of her ! 
Elsie. Oh, we must ! We must ! 
Voice. Bob ! 
Robert. Coming. 

{Exit c.) 

Elsie. My head is swimming! If ever I try to help 
Bob Fenwick out of a scrape again ! Oh, I wish 
it was the days of slavery — wouldn't I sell Mrs. 
Amarilla Badger down the river ! 

{Enter Ben.) 

Ben. Say, that old person's kind of scared of us. 

She acts awfully queer. What's up, anyhow ? 
Elsie. Oh, Ben, don't ask questions. If you knew 

how nervous I was ! 
Ben. But what's all this stuff about "ether" 

and 

39 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Elsie. Oh, if you must know, Robert and Romeo 
have been up to something that Uncle mustn't 
know, and if Uncle finds that woman here, he 
will know; and if he finds out that I've helped 
Robert, I'll be a pauper by the end of the week. 
Now, are you satisfied? 

Ben {doggedly). Yes, but it looks to me as if you 
were letting this Romeo guy get away with the 
money and your ring. Now 

Elsie {wildly). Oh, my soul! Ben Craig, if you're 
not enough to drive any woman raving, tearing 
mad! Now, before I go all to pieces, will you 
rehearse this tableau with me? You are back of 
the couch and I am sitting on it. 

Ben {taking his place). Sure. But what's the big 
idea? 

Elsie. Never mind the idea. The less ideas you 
have, the better you'll act. Just look at me agree- 
ably — don't grin! {B'e^ sobers up.) Well, that's 
better, though I wouldn't call it exactly — oh, well, 
it'll do. Now put one arm about me — they don't 
in the play, but 

Ben {cheerfully complying). Hang the play! 

Elsie. Don't grin! Now, hold it 

{Enter Mr. Fen wick excitedly.) 

Fenwick. This is a fine state of affairs! A fine 
state of affairs this is ! Here I pay an exorbitant 
salary to a good-for-nothing chauffeur, and a 
ruinous allowance to an equally good-for-nothing 
son, and when I want my car in a hurry I'm told 
that one of them has wandered off and the other 
one is rehearsing and I have to walk home from 
my club after a heavy dinner! I — hullo — what 
are you two doing? 

Elsie {faintly). Just — just rehearsing, Uncle John. 
It's our night to rehearse, you know. 

Fenwick. Are there more fools coming? 

Elsie. No, sir, most of them are here. 

Fenwick. Humph! I beheve you. I'll go into the 

40 



PROMOTING ROMEO 



den and lock the door and perhaps I can smoke 
a cigar in peace. 

(Takes off his coat and goes up stage with it.) 

Elsie (desperately to Ben). Get her out of the den, 
quick ! Show her the way to the garage. 

Ben. But 

Elsie. I'll keep him here. Hurry ! 

(Exit Ben. His idea is to get out while Mr. Fenwick 
is up stage removing his coat, but with his usual 
awkwardness, he manages to trip on a rug and 
goes out with a crash.) 

Fenwick (turning). What's the matter with that 
idiot? 

Elsie. He — he isn't very well. 

Fenwick. Humph! He looks well enough — it's his 
brains that seem to be affected. 

Elsie (persuasively). Uncle John, won't you sit 
down just a moment and let me ask you some- 
thing ? 

Fenwick (gruffly). Well? 

Elsie. Would you mind telling me my financial 
status at just this moment? 

Fenwick. Oh, that's all you have on your mind, is 
it? Money, as usual. Well, let me tell you, 
young lady, that your financial status is just ex- 
actly fifty dollars lower than it was yesterday 
morning. Is that all? 

Elsie (stricken hut game). Oh! No — no — that 
wasn't it. But you'll have to sit down and be 
patient. 

(He sits. Mrs. Badger's voice is heard at l. then 
dies away.) 

Voice. Nossuh — I ain' goin' nowhars till 

Fenwick. What's that? 

Elsie. Nothing. Just somebody rehearsing in the 
hall. 

41 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Fenwick. In the hall ? Jumping snakes ! ! Haven't 
we any privacy? 

Elsie. But I want to tell you something that will 
please you, Uncle dear. Ben and I have made up. 

Fenwick {suspiciously). When? 

Elsie. We were doing it when you came in. I 
couldn't bear to make you unhappy, Uncle, just 
when you were going away. 

Fenwick. I thought the treatment would have some 
effect. The only way I have found to handle the 
younger generation is through a strict administra- 
tion of the budget. 

Elsie. Uncle ! 

{Enter May at c. May is dressed in a distinctly 
modern version of the Serpent of the Nile. She 
wears an evening gown of some thin, clingy stuff, 
very short, very scant, very chic. Her hair is 
bobbed, and she wears slippers with French heels. 
Also carries a huge feather fan, which she handles 
in rather a Spanish fashion.) 

Fenwick. Shades of Adam and Eve, whafs this? 
May {quite unconcerned). How do I look? Cleo- 
patra, you know. 

(Ben enters at l. Elsie crosses to him.) 

Fenwick {in strong disapproval). It looks to me like 
anything but the sort of thing a lady should ap- 
pear in. 

May. Well, Cleopatra was anything but a lady in my 
estimation. 

{She flirts the fan and looks entirely satisfied with 
herself. ) 

Elsie {to Ben). I told him we'd made up. It was 
the only way to keep him here. Did she go? 

Ben {grimly). She went — with help. 

Fenwick {to Ben). Well, my boy, I'm glad to hear 
Elsie has come to her senses. What are you sup- 
posed to be? WilHam Tell? 
42 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

{Enter Robert and Dorothy at c, pushing the vie- 
trola. ) 

Robert. Hullo, Dad. Sorry I couldn't drive down 
for you, but I thought in this costume it wouldn't 
quite do. 

Dorothy. Good-evening, Mr. Fenwick. 

Fenwick (stiffly). Good-evening. Robert, what is 
this I hear about my chauffeur? 

Robert. Why, he — he 

Elsie (decidedly). He disappeared. 

Fenwick. What ! ! ! 

Ben. And Elsie's ring has disappeared 



(He stops suddenly as Elsie steps violently on his 
foot.) 

Robert. Why, you see, Dad, nobody knows much 
about it, but he's been acting queer all day 

Fenwick. I'll go out to the garage and 

Elsie. Ahem!! (She nudges Ben.) 

Ben. No, don't ; stay and see us rehearse. 

Dorothy. Yes, do, Mr. Fenwick. 

Elsie (aside, to Robert). She's out there! Mrs. 
Badger ! 

Fenwick (to Dorothy). Thanks, but I don't believe 
I feel equal to it to-night. 

(Exit, c, disgustedly.) 

Robert (to Elsie). Did you say she was in the ga- 
rage? 

Elsie. Yes, I did. Now we are lost ! 

Ben. Why not make a clean breast of it to the old 
man? 

Both. Don't be an idiot ! 

(In the meantime, Dorothy and May have been ad- 
justing the victrola and looking over the records.) 

Dorothy. Robert, you stay here and run the music 
while I start them from up-stairs. Nearly every- 
body's dressed but they have to be grouped. 

43 



PROMOTING BOMEO 



Hurry up, all of you. (May runs off at c, fol- 
lowed by Elsie and Ben.) Of course we can't 
do everything just right — your mother's to be 
drawn on a moving platform by four boy scouts, 
and they've all gone to a dance ; but we'll do what 
we can. These are the ones you're to play. 
Robert. All right. 

(Exit Dorothy. He puts on a record and starts it.) 

Dorothy (at door). Wait till I call to you. They're 
not ready yet. 

(She disappears. He stops the machine.) 

Robert. Gosh, I'll be glad when this blamed show is 
over and Dad's on the way to London ! If I can 
only Hve till then 

(Enter Rosalie at r.) 

Rosalie. Hist!! 

Robert (jumping). My gosh! 

Rosalie. Mister Robert ! 

Robert. What do you want ? 

Rosalie. Want know whar Romeo gone. 

Robert (desperately). I don't know — nobody knows 

— we're busy and you've got to get out of here. 

ril call you in the morning. 
Rosalie (decidedly). Mawnin' won' do. He done 

leave a note for me — jes' good-bye, dat's all. 

Whah's he at, Mister Robert, I wanter know? 
Robert. I tell you I don't know. He got a wire 

from his mother saying she was coming to-day 

and he lit out. 
Rosalie (in horror). Mis' Amarilla Badger comin' 

hyah? 
Robert. Worse'n that. She's here now — out in the 

garage. Will you go home? 
Voice. Start the music I 

Robert. You clear out — it's all your fault 

Rosalie. Oh, ma Ian', I never did suppose dat ole 

44 



PROMOTING BOMEO 

lady come way fum Pitfield jes' because we sen' 
dat wiah! {She wrings her hands.) 
Robert {hoarsely). Hurry! 

{She runs off at r. He rushes at the victrola and 
winds it furiously. Enter Dorothy, followed by 
Elsie and Ben.) 

Dorothy. I said *' start it," not wind it to pieces. 

(He starts it — putting the needle down so that it 

gives a dismal wail) What is the matter with 

you, Bob? 
Robert. Nerves. Stage fright. 
Dorothy. Now, group yourselves, quick. {They do 

so.) Hold it till I see who's to come next. 

{Exit Dorothy. Enter Rosalie.) 

Rosalie. Oh, my goodness, Mister Robert, she ain' 

in de garage; she's settin' on de front steps! 
Elsie. Merciful heavens ! 

(Ben stares at her in bewilderment.) 

Robert {wildly). You've got to get out of here. 

The den {He stops the music.) 

Elsie. Your f ather'li go in there ! 

Ben. Hide her under the table. 

Robert. Here, duck in here for ten minutes till these 

people get out. Quick! 

(Rosalie crawls under the table at R.) 
Elsie. They'll see her. Here— my cloak 

(With a triumphant glance at the apprehensive Rob- 
ert she takes it off and throws it over the table, 
where it quite conceals Rosalie. Elsie is dressed 
in a pretty little evening dress, quite modest and 
charming.) 

Dorothy {darting in again). What's the matter with 
that music? 

45 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Robert. I must have stopped it by mistake. ;. 

{Starts it again.) 

Dorothy. Come on, Goddess of Liberty ! 

(Mrs. Fenwick enters solemnly, carrying her torch, 
at c, and Mr. Fenwick comes in at l.) 

Fenwick. Great Caesar's ghost! 

Dorothy. Hush, it's fine. Now, Cleopatra ! 

{Enter May in a wonderfully snaky Cleopatra-like 
pose. At the same time Mrs. Badger darts in at 
R. Sees May first. ) 

Mrs. B. Lawd in his mussy, save us ! 

May {angrily). I knew somebody 'd interrupt me! 

Robert {throming up his hands). It's all up! 

Fenwick. Is this another picture? Or 

Mrs. B. {indignantly). Don' you git sassy to me, 
white man ! I ain't no picture, but I'se a puffec'ly 
respectable woman an' 'at's mo'n anybody else 
whut's aroun' hyah, lemme tell yo'. 

Mrs. F. It's Romeo's mother — I know it is. Per- 
haps she can tell us where he's gone 

Mrs. B. No, ma'am, I cain't, but I got my suspicions. 
Dat boy done put me in de garage, but I ain't stay 
dere. I 

(In her growing excitement she clutches the cloak and 
exposes Rosalie, who stares at everybody in 
horror. ) 

Rosalie {crawling out). Oh, Mister Robert, save 
me ! Dat ole scorpion git me f er sho'. 

Mrs. F. Rosalie! 

Rosalie {glibly). Mr. Robert he done hide me in 
yondah — yes, ma'am. 

Dorothy. Robert ! 

Mrs. B. {triumphantly) . I know'd dere was a yaller 
wench mixed up in hyah somewhere!! 

TABLEAU 

46 



ACT III 

{Same setting. The following morning. As the 
curtain rises, Mr. Fenwick appears at c, 
carrying a breakfast tray. Robert enters at l., 
wearing a kitchen apron and a look of aggrava- 
tion. He enters just as Mr. Fenwick has set the 
tray down on a chair and collapsed wearily into 
another.) 

Robert. Well ? 

Fenwick. Well ? 

Robert. Did Mother eat the eggs? 

Fenwick {wearily). No. They were too hard. I 

told you she liked 'em three minutes by the clock. 
Robert {in irritation). You didn't say which clock, 

and I never noticed that the kitchen one had 

stopped. 
Fenwick. Humph ! 
Robert. What I want to know is, how much longer 

have I got to do the cooking for this house? 
Fenwick. Until your mother gets over her nervous 

collapse or until that Swede shows up. 
Robert. She'll never show up after swiping twenty 

dollars and vanishing with it. 
Fenwick. It's my opinion that she never touched 

that money. 
Robert. Then who did? 
Fenwick. Romeo Badger. 

Robert {nervously). Nonsense, Dad, that's absurd. 
Fenwick. Why is it absurd ? Didn't he need money? 

Didn't he telegraph that infuriated old person 

who's out in our garage that he was having an 

operation and had to have money? Well, he's 

not having an operation, is he? 

Robert. How do we know ? He might be. He 

Fenwick. Don't be an idiot. That wire was sent 

47 



PROMOTING BOMEO 

two days ago and Romeo was here on the job 
yesterday morning. It's a nice situation. She 
swears she won't go until he turns up. 

Robert. Gosh ! 

Fenwick {rising). Then there's Elsie's ring. When 
I get home from London I'll probe this affair to 
the roots. If it wasn't the most important kind 
of business, I'd change my reservations until next 
month {Hesitates.) 

Robert {excitedly). You mustn't think of it! Not 
for a moment! Never neglect your business for 
little things like family matters. Leave this to 
me! 

Fenwick {pityingly). You!! 

Robert {ignoring his tone). The worst part of it all 
is that Dorothy Stevens insists upon believing that 
that horrible manicure girl came here to flirt with 
me. Me ! I When I told her she came after 
Romeo I 

Fenwick {in that soothing voice that parents some- 
times adopt). Well, vv^ell, my boy, if she's willing 
to think a thing like that of you, you're very much 
better off not married to her. A suspicious 
woman is a very unpleasant wife. 

Robert. I don't care how unpleasant she is, I want 
her. Look here. Dad, if you think Romeo stole 
that money, why do you think Selma left? 

Fenwick. Why do cooks always leave? Because 
they're bored, or want a change, or don't like the 
way the lady of the house does her hair — how do 
I know? 

Robert. There's the bell, doggone it! {He struggles 
with his apron, which refuses to come off.) Oh, 
for goodness' sake, go and answer it ! 

Fenwick. At this rate, I'll miss my train, and if I 
miss my train 

{Exit angrily at r.) 

Robert {piously). If you miss your train, the Lord 
help us! 

48 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

{He gets the apron off and takes the tray to carry it 
off when Elsie and May enter. They are in 
street dress and Elsie looks tired out.) 

Elsie. Oh, Bob, how are you standing it? Isn't 

everything too awful for words ? Ben is outside. 

May and I ran in to see your dear mother. How 

is she? 
Robert. In bed — Hke yours. There doesn't seem to 

be much stamina in our famiUes, Elsie. 
Elsie. Well, I'm sure I do my best. If older people 

will be so unreasonable, it isn't my fault. 

(May, rather uninterested in the conversation, wan- 
ders about and ends up at the victrola, where she 
sits and pulls over the records. She appears 
bored. Elsie sits on couch. Robert has put the 
tray dowji and stands talking to Elsie.) 

Robert. That's what I say. The older ones started 
this row, all right. If Dad had given me that 
job 

Elsie. And hadn't docked my allowance 



Robert. And old Mrs. Badger hadn't been so set 

against Romeo's getting married 

Elsie. None of this would have happened. As it is, 

we're all in trouble. Romeo has disappeared 

Robert. And his mother insists on living in our ga- 
rage 

Elsie. And I had to make up with Ben when I didn't 

want to or face the poorhouse. 
Robert. Fortunately, Rosalie kept her mouth shut — 

nobody knows about that telegram. 
May {waking up). Dorothy Stevens is so hopping 

mad at you that she says she'll never speak to you 

again. 
Robert. It's a rotten shame. Somebody's got to tell 

her the truth. 
Elsie. I tried to last night and she told me to hold 

my tongue. 
May {coming down). That's the worst of telling the 

truth — it makes you so unpopular. 

49 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Robert. Look here, May, you're a nice little thing — 
when you want to be. Won't you try to bring 
Dorothy around? 

May. It makes a difference when you want some- 
thing. Last night you called me a " fresh flap- 
per." 

Robert (humbly). I wasn't myself last night, May, 
honest! It's lucky I didn't call you anything 
worse than that. If you'll put me right with 
Dorothy, I'll 

May (coolly). Well? 

Robert. I'll give you a dinner — anywhere you say. 

May. Honest ? 

Robert. Honest. Dorothy likes you, you know, and 
she 

May. After the theatre ? Real late ? 

Robert. At three a. m. if you say so. 

May. With flowers? And lobster? And two or 
three real lovely men? 

Robert. Two or three men? Say, what are you? 
A young Mormon? 

May. Well, if you're doing a thing, why not do it 
right? Make it snappy? 

Robert. All right. Miss Brigham Young, you shall 
have a man on each side of you and one across 
the way, but you're to put me right with Dorothy ? 
At once ? 

May. Well, it can't be done by telling the truth, that's 
a cinch. The truth makes you look too silly. 

(She meditates a moment.) 

Elsie. It rather does, Bob, you know. 

May. I'll tell her — that Rosalie and Romeo are se- 
cretly married and that you were protecting them 
from Mrs. Badger — and 

(Enter Fen wick, followed by Ben.) 

Robert. Hush ! His train goes in an hour. 
Ben. Hullo, Bob, any more visitors? 

50 



PROMOTING R03IE0 

{'Phone rings. Fen wick goes to it, forestalling Rob- 
ert, who starts.) 

Fenwick. Hello? Yes, this is John Fenwick speak- 
ing. The pohce station ! 

Robert. Ouch ! 

Fenwick. Yes, Romeo Badger is my chauffeur. 
(Robert picks up the tray of dishes and starts l.) 
Is he missing? Yes, of course, he's missing — 
since yesterday. 

Ben. I thought so. I said 

Elsie. Oh, do keep still ! 

Fenwick. What's that? Arrested for trying to 
pawn a lady's diamond ring? (Robert drops 
tray of dishes with a crash. Fenwick, to Rob- 
ert.) Will you keep still so that I (Into 

'phone.) Yes, the ring's missing and some 
money. I'm leaving for New York in an 
hour. Can you bring him up to the house? 
Thanks. (Rings off. A horrified silence pre- 
vails.) Well, I'm sorry to hear that; I liked that 
boy. There's no accounting for young people 
these days. Well, I must get my bag packed. 

{He starts to go at c. May suddenly hursts into 
tears. ) 

May. Oh ! Oh ! ! Oh ! ! ! {To Robert. ) How can 
you be so dreadful ! ! 

{She runs off at r.) 

Fenwick. What the deuce 

Elsie. She's upset, poor child, by the excitement. 
That's all it is. I'm going up to see Aunt Ellen. 

{Exit, c.) 

Fenwick {savagely, to Robert). Do you know what 

this means? 
Robert {blankly). I — I — how should I know what it 

means? I haven't any time to know what it 

means — I've got the dishes to do. 

51 



PROMOTING B03IE0 



(He grabs the tray and starts l. Fenwick, in exas- 
peration, rushes off at c. Robert sinks into a 
chair, lets the tray slide.) 

Ben. Say, you've been rather a fool, haven't you? 

Robert (savagely) . What do you know about it? 

Ben. Elsie gave us the particulars coming over. 

Robert. That's right. Blame a chap because a thing 
goes wrong. If it had succeeded, I'd have been a 
clever guy — full of initiative. 

Ben. Well, it's rather rough on Romeo. 

Robert. I'm going to pull Romeo out somehow. Oh, 
if they'd only waited an hour — just one httle mer- 
ciful hour! 

Ben. Well, they didn't. Poor devil ! 

Robert. I tell you (In exasperation.) Where 

do vou get that "poor devil" stuff? I tell you 
I'm' 

Ben. I don't mean Romeo; I mean you. That po- 
liceman will be here in half an hour and, of 
course, Romeo'll tell everything he knows. I 
would, myself. 

Robert (angrily). Look here, Ben Craig 

(Enter Selma quietly at r. She wears an odd-looking 
hat and coat and has a dejected and weary look.) 

Ben. Oh, I say, look who's here ! 

Robert (jumping up). Selma! Great Scott! 

Selma (smiling wanly). Ay didn't find place. 

Robert. What ? 

Selma. Ay went hunt for place but all the good ones 

bane gone. 
Robert. Look here, you mean you went to look for 

another place to work? 
Selma (nods). Ay bane tired this place. Ay go 

hunt in advertisements, but Ay come back. Such 

a many girl looking for place. This place better 

than not'ing, Ay tank. 

Ben. Then she didn't take 

Robert (seizing her by the arm). You sit down and 

52 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

look me in the eye. (Selma eyes him blankly.) 
You didn't light out with that money, eh? 

Selma. What money? Ay ain't see no money. 

Robert. Then why didn't you come back last night 
when you didn't find a place ? 

Selma (sadly). Ay go by my cousin's house and my 
cousin she give me somet'ing her man made in a 
bottle and Ay bane sick. Ach, sick, sick, sick 

(Her pantomime begins to be expressive.) 

Robert (stopping her hurriedly). All right, never 
mind that. You go into the kitchen and make 
some coffee — a whole lot of — a pailful. Some of 
this family haven't tasted decent food for twenty- 
four hours. Savvy? 

Selma (grinning). Yah, I get you. 

(Exit at c.) 

Robert. Ben, that girl never touched the money. 

Ben. Looks to me too green to take anything — ex- 
cept moonshine. 

Robert. She'd never come back if she had. But 
how 

Ben. Romeo? 

Robert. Nonsense. He's been left in the house a 
hundred times. He's as honest as she is. 

Ben. Then who 

Robert (suddenly). Ben, it's that girl — Rosalie! 

Ben. Huh? 

Robert (rapidly). Why didn't we think of it before? 
She was in the room alone long enough to steal 
the piano if she'd wanted to. 

Ben. But she came back, too. 

Robert. Yes, after she'd thrown the suspicion on 
Selma, and Selma had quit. (Goes to 'phone.) 
Central 2440. 

Ben. What are you going to do ? 

Robert. Wait and see. Hello ! That you, Rosalie ? 
This is Robert Fenwick. Mother would like to 
have you come over and give her a massage. She 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

isn't well. What? No, Mrs. Badger isn't here. 
Gone home. I've got something to tell you about 
Romeo. 

{Rings off. Enter Elsie as he is 'phoning.) 

Elsie. Robert, Aunt Ellen wants you. 
Robert (to Ben). If she comes while I'm gone, kid 
her along. Don't let her get away. 

(Exit, c.) 

Elsie. What's he up to now ? 

Ben. Trying to clear Romeo. Selma's back. She 
didn't take the money. 

Elsie. Do you suppose Romeo 

Ben. Either he or JuHet. Bob's going to find out 
which. 

Elsie. Oh, dear, isn't everything awful? Uncle's so 
savage that I didn't have the courage to tell him 
we were only pretending to be made up, Ben. 
I'm going to wait and write it to him. 

Ben. What do you mean by pretending? I wasn't 
pretending. 

Elsie. Oh, yes, you were, Ben, we both were. I 
only told him we'd made up because I didn't want 
him to go to the garage when Romeo's mother 
was there. You knew I didn't mean it. 

Ben. No, I didn't. I meant it and I supposed you 
did. 

Elsie. Why, Ben, how could you? The circum- 
stances hadn't changed a particle. 

Ben. What circumstances? 

Elsie. Why, your being so unsuited to me, and all 
that. 

Ben. I don't consider that I'm unsuited to you. 
What's the matter with me ? 

Elsie. The matter with you ? Oh, you serpent ! 

Ben. Yes. My family is all right. I've got as much 
money as you have. My habits are reasonably 
good and my health is fine — except for hay fever 

which I only have in August. I 

54 



PROMOTING BOMEO 



Elsie. Don't be funny. It isn't becoming to you. 
Ben. I'm not funny. I mean business. I demand 
to know why I'm not suited to you ? 

(Raps severely with his fist on the arm of a chair.) 

Elsie (o little surprised). Yesterday you said you 
liked your freedom ; you know you did. 

Ben. I've had enough of it. I find that I travel bet- 
ter in harness. Besides, you have no right to 
patch up our engagement before people and then 
break it again. It reflects on my character. 

Elsie. Your character ! ! 

Ben. Of course. Folks wonder what I've been up 
to. Nobody'll ever marry me after that. 

Elsie. I never heard such nonsense. 

Ben. It isn't nonsense. Either keep your word and 
marry me next Tuesday or I sue you for defama- 
tion of character. 

Elsie. You can't. Gentlemen don't do such things. 

Ben. Then it's time they began. I shall be a pioneer. 
I shall sue you for $20,000. I guess that'll put a 
dent in your allowance. 

Elsie. I never heard of anything so dreadful in all 
my life. Ben, I despise you for this. 

Ben. Of course, if you prefer to pay me — but I 
should think it would cripple you a bit. 

Elsie. Cripple me ! It will ruin me. 

Ben. Well, there's an easy way out. 

(He comes closer to her.) 

Elsie (in tears). Oh, oh, oh 

Ben. Think it over, dearest. Isn't it better to be a 

rich man's darling than an impoverished spinster? 
Elsie (falling on his shoulder) . Oh, Ben, how could 

you treat me so? You said you cared for me. 
Ben. I do — when you behave yourself. 
Elsie. There's the door-bell ! 

(Breaking azvay from him. Robert enters at c.) 
55 



PROMOTING BOMEO 

Robert. If that's Rosalie, you folks step outside 
those curtains, but don't go away. I may need 
you. 

{Exit at R.) 

Elsie. Rosalie ? What is he doing now ? 

Ben. Hatching up more trouble. He's got a genius 

for it. 
Elsie. Hush, here she comes. 

{They step behind the portieres as Robert enters, fol- 
lowed by Rosalie, pert and smiling as ever.) 

Robert. Come in. Mother's not quite ready for you. 
Better sit down. 

Rosalie {looking around a little uneasily). Mister 
Robert, you sure dat ole lady's gone? 

Robert. Sure. 

Rosalie {sitting). She mos' scare me to death las' 
night. Ain' Romeo come back yit? 

Robert. No, but Selma has. 

Rosalie. Dat Swede girl? 

Robert. Yes. She didn't take that money after all. 

Rosalie {sharply). How you know dat? 

Robert. Because they've just 'phoned from the po- 
lice station that Romeo has been arrested for 
stealing the money and a diamond ring of Miss 
Evans'. 

Rosalie {promptly) . My Ian', ain't dat boy got aw- 
ful bad? Stealin' money an' rings bofe? An' 
me goin' out wif him all dis time. Did — did dey 
fin' it on him ? 

Robert. They found the ring. He tried to pawn it. 

Rosalie. I'll jus' bet he done spen' it on dem craps. 
He's jes' a awful boy for craps. Mister Robert. 
Ain' I glad I'm thoo with him — an' his ole mother, 
too. 

Robert. Yes, but you see, we don't believe Romeo 
took the money. 

Rosalie {sharply). How come you don't? 

56 



PROMOTING BOMEO 

Robert. Because we know you took it. 

Rosalie {rising). Me!! Go long wif your fooling 
Mister Robert, you're plumb crazy in de haid. 

Robert. Not at all. I know it. 

Rosalie {angrily). How you know it? Was you 
thah? 

Robert. Certainly. Behind that curtain. 

Rosalie {shaken). Look hyah, Mister Robert, yo' 
cain' take a woman's character away lak dat jes' 
because she ain' white. Nossuh. 

Robert. Look here, Rosalie, you were alone in this 
room with the money. Selma can prove to any- 
body's satisfaction that she didn't do it. Not 
even a dumb Swede would be fool enough to take 
money, run away and then come back again. 
Romeo's character is established. So 

Rosalie. But dat ring he done took? 

Robert. My cousin gave it to him. If I have to ex- 
plain to the poHce I will. You haven't a ghost of 
a show. You sign this paper admitting that you 
took the twenty dollars or I tell the poHce every- 
thing. You can hand over the money, too. I've 
got witnesses in that room. 

Rosalie. Come now, Mister Robert, what you got 
'g'inst me, anyhow? I didn' touch yo' ole money. 

Robert. All right. If you want me to start the po- 
lice on your trail. I was going to let you go. 
But 

Rosalie {weakening) . Who's in 'at room? 

Robert. Friends of mine. We'll play fair if you do. 

Rosalie {hesitating — then diving into her stocking 
and producing the money). Well, oh, take your 
ole money. No business leavin' it undah folkses' 
nose, anyhow. 

Robert. You're right. Thank you. Same bills ? 

Rosalie {angrily). An' yo' kin tell 'at low-down no- 
account nigger house boy dat I don't want nothin' 
mo' to do wif him, nohow. I'se gwine marry a 
genelman wif money of his own. 

Elsie {running in). Robert, wasn't that the bell 
again ? It must be the policeman with Romec. 

57 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Rosalie {panic-stricken). Policeman! Oh, Lawdy, 

Lawdy ! ! ! 
Robert {taking her by the arm). Out the back way, 

quick ! 

{Exit Rosalie rapidly at l.) 

Elsib. Robert, you're wonderful. 

Ben. Reg'lar little private detective. I thought she 

had it all the time. 
Robert. Oh, did you, indeed ? How clever of you. 

{Enter Selma, scared, at r.) 

Selma. PoUceman! PoHceman! Romeo he bane 
pinched ! 

Robert. Well, show 'em in. {Exit Selma, wide- 
eyed and scared. He goes to door at c.) Hello, 
Dad, the cop's here. 

{Enter Romeo, his arm in the clutch of a policeman.) 

Romeo. You tak' yo' ban's off me. I tell you, I ain' 

touch 'at money. Mister Robert, sir, you jes' tell 

dis pusson 

Policeman. That'll do for you. You can talk when 

we get ready to hear you. 
Elsie {summoning up her courage). Well, I can talk 

if I want to, and I tell you he didn't steal my ring. 

I gave it to him. 

{Enter Fenwick at c, followed by Mrs. Fenwick.) 

Fenwick {in horror). You gave your engagement 
ring to my colored chauifeur? Am I out of my 
head? 

Ben. Elsie ! 

Romeo. Yassir, she did. She give it to me to dis- 
appear on. 

Mrs. F. {weakly). To disappear on! 

Robert {hurriedly). One minute — just one minute. 
I can explain everything. 

Policeman. You're a clever little guy, ain't you ? 

58 



PR03I0TING ROMEO 



Robert. Not very, but IVe got you skinned. I found 
the person who took the money. I made her give 
it back, too. 

Fenwick. She? Then it wa^ that Swede? 

{Enter Mrs. Badger at l. from garage; sees Romeo.) 

Mrs. B.^^ So dere you is? "Under ether but will 
hye." Yassir, I reckon you is gwine Hve when I 
git holt of you. 
Policeman. What's the matter with you? This 
man's under charge of steahng twenty dollars and 
a diamond ring. 

Mrs. B. {indignantly). Stealin'? What's the mattah 
wif you, white man ? Dat boy ain' never stole a 
cent in his Hfe ! Don' I know dat boy? Ain' I 
brung him up ? Don't I 

Robert. Listen, all of you. Rosalie stole the money 
and confessed to me five minutes ago and re- 
turned it. Here it is. 

Mrs. F. Rosalie! 

Romeo {blankly). What's dat? 

Mrs. B. {scornfully). I could have tole you dat easy. 
I been lookin' dat gal up all day. She ain' no 
good. She been honeyin' up to you, an' all de 
time she been gittin' ready to run off wif dat deU- 
catessum man whut was caught makin' whisky. 
Dat's why she wanted you to buy 'at sto'. 

Romeo {zvildly). Whut!! Lemme get at dat gal— 
lemme 

Policeman. You dry up ! 

Mrs. B^. 'At's a mighty nice cosy little delicatessum 
sto'. I done buy it myse'f. I'se tired Hvin' in de 
country an' I reckon dis yere boy needs somebody 
to keep an eye on him, he's jes' dat green. 

Ben. But the ring 

Fenwick {to Policeman). We won't need you any 
more. We'll keep the rest of this in the family^ I 
guess. 

{He hands the man a couple of cigars.) 
59 



PROMOTING BOMEO 

Policeman. All right. If you don't want to prose- 
cute 

{He goes off at r.) 



Fenwick. Now, Robert 

Robert. Why 

Mrs. B. Whut I wants to know is, who sen' me dis 
yere telegram? 

Romeo. Why 

Elsie. Why, Uncle dear, it was like this (Rob- 
ert groans. Enter Dorothy; stops at r.) You 
told Robert that he must show a bit of initiative 
so that you could give him that job; and Dorothy 
told him to try his hand on some little near at 
hand thing and promote it. (Romeo groans.) 
So he tried to help Romeo by suggesting that it 
was too bad he couldn't get appendicitis so that 
his mother would send him some money ; and that 
wretched Rosalie went and sent the telegram. It's 
all her fault. 

Dorothy. Oh, Bob, was that really all ? That's what 
May said ! 

Fenwick. All? I'm disgusted with you, Robert. 
Absolutely disgusted. 

Mrs. B. {venomously). You Romeo — you march 
right out into dat garage, sir. I'll settle wif you 
immegitly. 

{Exit Romeo and Mrs. Badger at l., she holding him 
sternly by the arm.) 

Fenwick. As for you, sir, the less initiative you cul- 
tivate in the future the better. My business isn't 
frenzied finance — it's old-fashioned and legiti- 
mate ! I see I have been mistaken in you. I'll 
take you on as salesman if Mrs. Stevens will 
promise to keep an eye on you ; but don't — for the 
Lord's sake — don't try to be brilliant. Stop be- 
fore you land in the penitentiary. 

Robert {humbly). Yes, sir. 

60 



PROMOTING ROMEO 

Fenwick {looking at his watch). Gad, Fm late! 
Romeo ! I'll miss that blamed train yet ! 

(Dashes out, followed by Mrs. Fenwick.) 

Robert. Dorothy, you're an angel and Fm a fool. 

Will you take me? 
Dorothy. There's nothing the matter with you, dear, 

except that you're temperamental. 

{They embrace.) 

Ben. Temperamental? Gosh, ain't that enough? 
Elsie. Ben, you'd better go right down and unpawn 
my engagement ring. I need it. 

{They embrace. Enter Selma at c.) 

Selma. The coffee bane made. 



CURTAIN 



6i 



Uausually Good Entertainments 



ittt- 

tha. 
Eiiffl 



Read One or More of These Before Deciding on 
Your Next Program 

A SURPRISE PARTY AT BRINKLEY'S. An En- 

iertainment in One Scene, by Ward Macauley. Seven male and 
seven female characters. Interior scene, or may be given with- 
^out scenery. Costumes, modern. Time, one hour. By 
Vnthor of the popular successes, "Graduation Day at Wood Hit 
School," "Back to the Country Store," etc. The villagers hav« 
planned a birthday surprise party for Mary Brinkley, recently' 
«raduat€d from college. They all join in jolly games, soogs^ 
ponundrums, etc., and Mary becomes engaged, which surprises 
the surprisers. The entertainment is a sure success. 

JONES VS. JINKS. A Mock Trial in One Act, by 
Edward Mumford. Fifteen male and six female characters, with 
supernumeraries if desired. May be played all male. Many of the 
parts (members of the jury, etc.) are small. Scene, a simple 
interior; may be played without scenery. Costumes, modern. 
Time of playing, one hour. This mock trial has many novel 
features, unusual characters and q«ick action. Nearly every 
character has a funny entrance and laughable lines. There afe 
many rich parts, and fast fun throughout. 

THE SIGHT-SEEING CAR. A Comedy Sketch in One 
Act, by Ernest M. Gould. For seven males, two females, or 
may be all male. Parts may be doubled, with quick changes, so 
that four persons may play the sketch. Time, forty-five minutes. 
Simple street scene. Costumes, modern. The superintendent 
of a sight-seeing automobile engages two men to run the 
machine. A Jew, a farmer, a fat lady and other humoroua 
characters give them all kinds of trouble. This is a regular gat- 
ling-gun stream of rollicking repartee. 

THE CASE OF SMYTHE VS. SMITH. An Original 

Mock Trial in One Act, by Frank Dumont, Eighteen males 
and two females, or may be all male. Plays about one hour. 
Scene, a county courtroom ; requires no scenery ; may be played 
in an ordinary hall. Costumes, modern. This entertainment is 
nearly perfect of its kind, and a sure success. It can be easily 
produced in any place or on any occasion, and provides almost 
any number of good parts. 

THE OLD MAIDS' ASSOCIATION. A Farcical Enters 
tainment in One Act, by Louise Latham Wilson. For thirteen 
females and one male. The male part may be played by a 
female, and the number of characters increased to twenty or« 
more. Time, forty minutes. The play requires neither scenery ( 
nor properties, and very little in the way of costumes. Canj- 
icasily be prepared in one or two rehearsals. 
I BARGAIN DAY AT BLOOMSTEIN'S. A Farcical 
Entertainment in One Act, by Edward Mumford. For five males 
and ten females, with supers. Interior scene. Costumes, mod- 
ern. Time, thirty minutes. The characters and the situatioai 
which arise from their endeavors to buy and sell make rapid'-fire 
ifun from start to finish. 

THE ^ENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 



Unusualiy Good Entertainments 

Read One or More of These Before Deciding on 
Your Next Program 

GRADUATION DAY AT WOOD HILI. SCHOOL. 

An Entertainment in Two Acts, by Ward Macauley. For six 
males and four females, with several minor parts. _ Time ef 
playing, two hours. Modern costumes. Simple interior scenes; 
may be presented in a hall without scenery. The unusual comA 
8)ination of a real "entertainment," including music, recitations/ 
etc., with an interesting love story. The graduation exercises? 
include short speeches, recitations, songs, funny interruption^" 
and a comical speech by a country school trustee. 

EXAMINATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. 

An Entertainment in One Act, by Ward Macauley. Eight male 
and six female characters, with minor parts. Plays one hour. 
Scene, an easy interior, or may be given without scenery. Cos- 
tumes, modern. Miss Marks, the teacher, refuses to marry^ a 
trustee, who threatens to discharge her. The examination in- 
cludes recitations and songs, and brings out many funny answers 
to questions. At the close Robert Coleman, an old lover, claims 
the teacher. Very easy and very effective. 

BACK TO THE COUNTRY STORE. A Rural Enter- 
tainment in Three Acts, by Ward Macauley. For four maU 
and five female characters, with some supers. Time, two hours. 
Two scenes, both easy interiors. Can be played effectively witk- 
out scenery. Costumes, modern. All the principal parts are 
sure hits. Quigley Higginbotham, known as "Quig," a clerk ia 
a country store, aspires to be a great author or singer and 
decides to try his fortvines in New York. The last scene is in 
Quig's home. He returns a failure but is offered a partnership 
in the country store. He pops the question in the midst of a 
surprise party given in his honor. Easy to do and very funny. 

TKB DISTRICT CONVENTION. A Farcical Sketch 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For eleven males and one 
female, or twelve males. Any number of other parts or super- 
numeraries may be added. Plays forty-five minutes. No special' 
fecenery is required, and the costumes and properties are ali' 
easy. The play shows an uproarious political nominating con- 
vention. The climax comes when a woman's rights cham- 
pion, captures the convention. There is a great chance to bur- 
lesque modern politics and to work in local gags. Every 
part will make a hit. 

SI SLOCUM'S COUNTRY STORE. An Ei;tertainmeiilJ 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eleven male and five female 
characters with supernumeraries. Several parts may be doubled. 
Plays one hour. Interior scene, or may be played without set 
scenery. Costumes, modem. The rehearsal for an entertain- 
ment in the village church gives plenty of opportunity for 
specialty work. A very jolly entertainment of the sort adapted 
to almost any place or occasion. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Successful Plays for All Girls 

In Selecting Your Next Play Do Not Overlook This List 

by M^''Ti^%'''^<''^ DEVINE^ A Farce In Two Acts, 
by Mrs. E. J H. Goodfellow. One of the most popular 
pays for gxrls. For nine female characters. Time ^n 
playing thirty minutes. Scenery, ordinary interior. Mod" 
ern costumes.^ Girls m a boarding-school, learning that a 
young doctor is coming to vaccinate all the pupils, eagerly con- 

wLTft do f ^" '" '^' "^""".'" °^ fascinating the physician. 
When the doctor appears upon the scene the pupils discover that 
the physician is a female practitioner. 

Dttmo^^^^F^ masons a Burlesque in One Act, by Frank 
DUMONT. For eleven females. Time, thirty minutes. Costumes, 
fantastic gowns or dominoes. Scene, interior. A grand expose 
of Masonry Some women profess to learn the secrets of a 
Masonic lodge by hearing their husbands talk in their sleep 
and they institute a similar organization. 

, A COMMANDING POSITION. A Farcical Enter- 
tainment, by Amelia Sanford. For seven female char- 
acters and ten or more other ladies and children. Time one 
hour. Costumes, modern. Scenes, easy interiors and one street 
scene.^ Manan Young gets tired living with her aunt. Miss 
Skinflint. She decides to "attain a commanding position" 
Manan tries hospital nursing, college settlement work and 
school teaching, but decides to go back to housework. 

,•„ »<>W A WOT^^^ ^^jjpg ^ SECRET. A Comedy 
m One Act, by Frank Dumont. For ten female characters, 
rime half an hour. ^ Scene, an easy interior. Costumes, modern. 
Mabel Sweetly has just become engaged to Harold, but it's "the 
deepest kind of a secret." Before announcing it they must win 
the approval of Harold's uncle, now in Europe, or lose a possible 
ten thousand a year. At a tea Mabel meets her dearest friend. 
Maude sees Mabel has a secret, she coaxes and Mabel tells her. 
But Maude lets out the secret in a few minutes to another 
friend and so the secret travels. 

THE OXFORD ATTAIR. A Comedy in Three Acts, 
by Josephine H. Cobb and Jennie E. Paine. For eight female 
characters. Plays one hour and three-quarters. Scenes, inter- 
iors at a seaside hotel. Costumes, modern. The action of the 
play is located at a summer resort. Alice Graham, in order to 
chaperon herself, poses as a widow, and Miss Oxford first claims 
her as a sister-in-law, then denounces her. The onerous duties 
of Miss Oxford, who attempts to serve as chaperon to Miss 
Howe and Miss Ashton in the face of many obstacles, furnish 
an evening of rare enjoyment. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



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01 W15 863 867 o 9 



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